Breaking through

Yesterday I had an appointment to go to and I threw on a pair of shorts to wear instead of pants. I live in Florida and it's freaking hotter than the devil's ass 361 days a year. With that being said, yesterday was the second time in 26 years that I've worn shorts out in public. Yeah, I'm going to say that again: The SECOND time in 26 YEARS that I have worn shorts out in public. I've battled with my weight my whole life. Even when I was fit and looked amazing, I still felt insecure and too big. I have never been the type of woman who felt comfortable in my skin no matter my size. There are big, beautiful women in the world who freaking ROCK their bodies. What am I lacking that I just cannot drum up that confidence!? Well, after having two kids, and after coming to the realization that I ONLY have this life right now and it is FLYING by me, I decided to break through my own self conscious bullshit and say "fuck it!".

Today my husband and I took our boys (4 and 1) to the beach. I not only wore shorts, but today was the first time that I never thought about what someone else might be thinking of me in a bathing suit. I played with my boys in the ocean and in the sand. We had a great time! It was so FREEING to not think about what someone else could be thinking of me. And it happened naturally! I didn't even have to convince myself to not focus on that! To top it off, I posted a pic of me on social media. It's not a full body bathing suit shot, but it's something I NEVER would have done before. But, my page is private.... if you're my FB friend, it's because we are friends or family, and I would hope that I wouldn't be judged by my looks.

I'm still not happy with how I look and I literally cringed looking at the pics my husband took of me and the boys, but I am working to get the body back that I'm comfortable in. My boys love their mama just the way I am. This big, dimpled, jiggly body made two human beings. This body is strong. In the meantime, until I get back to where I want to be, I am not going to hide. I broke through a HUGE barrier - and I'm not going back.

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