Authenticity is fucking scary. You have to face yourself, your truth, your wants, your fears, your flaws, your desires.... you have to be fucking real.... and most often that's terrifying.
I have been searching for the strength to be my authentic self for pretty much my whole life. I don't know why it came so naturally to me to be a chameleon and to just blend in and fade into the background. Others in my family are so outgoing and epitomize the word "extrovert", where I could literally die inside just thinking about being the center of attention.
I have always been agreeable, neutral, non-confrontational, fluid, impartial... I fit in with every group I ever encountered. I was never fake, I just coalesced and blended into the background. People always liked me, trusted me, confided in me, but I never felt like I truly fit in. I never felt like myself. Hell, to this day, if you ask me my favorite color, I can't answer. My favorite food, movie, flower..... I don't know. I've never had a passion for a career as a child - I still don't.
I've had big feelings and have never had the courage to step into my truth and share them...ever. It's terrifying to be completely vulnerable. Opening up and putting your emotional fragility on display takes more than courage than most realize.
