I am counting my blessings to be able to be quarantined with my two littles. These two are developing an even stronger bond by having this time together with no interruptions of Mommy's work, school, errands, play dates, appointments, obligations... yes, they absolutely fight and argue, like all children do, but that's when I get to step in and decide how I'm going to show up for them. It's so easy to yell and put kids in time-out, but that doesn't actually TEACH them anything. I know how my heart hurts sometimes, and teaching my kiddos compassion and empathy when I have ALL this time is something I plan on focusing on.
This morning, Anthony woke Cadien up by climbing up into his bed with him (in typical Anthony fashion - loud and rough). Cadien was up a little extra late last night, so he was grumpy for not having the chance to wake naturally. My house was angry first thing this morning. Not a good feeling.
Per the littles' request, I made egg and cheese quesadillas, we had some yogurt and some fruit. All seemed well and good - until I was cleaning up the kitchen and heard angry screams and crying from both kiddos. I was angry. It wasn't even 8:30a and these two had been at each other's throats. I walked into the living room, fully prepared to raise my voice and as I stood behind them, watching them use their heads to push each other as they tried to sit on the same stool, my heart softened - they didn't need more anger added to their pots, they needed a tool to help simmer those strong feelings. Anthony ran to me when he saw me and I picked him up and sat down on the couch, calling Cadien over to us. Immediately, Anthony reached out to his brother. I asked them to give each other hugs and while they were hugging I told them to take 2 deep breaths. They each did. They separated and I told them to do it one more time - they did, and then off they went.
I posted a picture on my IG that I took about 30 minutes later. Cadien is sitting on a stool in front of our sliding glass door, holding Anthony in his lap. I heard Cadien say "I love looking at nature, don't you, Anthony?" And then he was talking to him about different birds and the squirrels, bunnies, and lizards they could see. Honestly, my eyes filled up.
It's not easy to meet hardness with softness. It takes lots of practice, especially when you're tired, stressed, overwhelmed, not feeling well, worried... but in that moment, and so many moments that will come, I have a choice to make. Am I going to add to their chaos and fuel the anger fires that burn in their bellies, or am I going to teach them there ARE other ways to handle such strong emotions.
We may be our children's parents for their whole lives, but we only have a tiny window to help shape how they respond to situations. If you haven't noticed already, our child(ren) are a direct reflection of us - their responses, their words, their tone of voice.....it's what they've indirectly, and directly, learned from us. I know that I don't like what i see and hear sometimes - and those are the pieces of me inside them. I try hard every moment of every day - and I fall short A LOT. But I continue to keep trying, even after i have a bad moment. That's all we can do - keep trying.
