It's ambushes you when you least expect it... making even the most mundane of tasks seem treacherous. The paralyzing hold on your chest and throat mimics drowning. Gasping for air, you swallow a pill. Grounding techniques are for the amateur, because you know that no matter what you try, this is going to swallow you up.
Close your eyes, take a deep breath...nope, your chest is too constricted. The air won't enter. The warm sting of tears teeter on the brim of your lashes... willing them away only causes the crash to rush over you. Your mind races. Your thoughts scatter like shards of broken glass across the cold, tile floor. You're in it. It's too late. That beautiful, peaceful day has quickly and abruptly been replaced with the raging swirl of a tornado, churning up old memories and feelings....out of nowhere. It hits quickly and swiftly. Suddenly, every success, every obstacle you've traversed, every triumph, seems miniscule and insignificant. You're lost in the tumultuous sea of your mind. You remind yourself that this has happened many times over, and that you *do* have the power to escape... but by now, you're weak and weary.
You muddle through whatever tasks you have at hand, on autopilot, waiting until you can hide from the world. Once you're tucked away, you allow the pain to envelop you. The tightness in your chest become rattles of sobs, shaking you to your core. Your swirling thoughts turn into just one: "I am weak". This feeling eventually passes. You slowly open your eyes, and feeling defeated, take a shaky, exhausted breath. In this moment, you whisper, "fuck anxiety", and your world keeps turning.
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