The tough days of parenting are often joked about, but rarely discussed. I've recently had a few tough days in a row that made me want to scream "what the FUCK?!!?!?". Hell, I'm pretty sure at some point I did.
My oldest (4 years old) is sick quite often. We've seen all different specialists, holistic doctors, underwent countless tests, bloodwork, medications, procedures, etc. Some things have improved, some things we are still testing for and working on. My kiddo is a fucking trooper. He's undergone more than I have and does so with a courage and grace that a 4yo shouldn't have to display yet. Well, he's on another round of oral steroid and it tastes absolutely vile. He first had to take it when he was 2, and as his mama, I tasted it before giving it to him. It is so revolting that I gagged from a teeny drop. So here we are again needing to take this abhorrent medicine and even though he's taken it countless times before, he cries, fights me, and gags. This time, I have a 9 month old underfoot, and after this particular dose, I'm trying to get us all out the door, first thing in the morning, for a doctor's appointment. He takes a tiny taste and throws up a little. I get frustrated and curtly remind him that he's taken this so many times before and just to be quick about it. He cries and fights some more. I lose my cool a little more. Now, I usually work SO HARD to stay calm; to allow him to express his feelings however they come out because he's a little person with great, big feelings and isn't capable of handling them yet. I work so hard at helping him work through his emotions and making sure he knows he has a safe space. But I also have my own issues that I'm working on. I have depression and anxiety and have a real hang up with punctuality. So, here I am, half ready to go, a 4yo flipping his shit (honestly, rightfully so) because he has to take disgusting medicine, and a 9 month old crawling all up over us to see what's going on. 4yo begrudgingly takes more medicine, chugs water and immediately throws all of it up all over himself, me, the baby and the kitchen. Prenisolone, water, and phlegm everywhere. I yell. He's crying harder. Damnit - it's not his fault. I get it. But in the moment, knowing we all had to change and we are now going to be late, I yell. I can see in his little eyes that he's broken. I broke my own kid because he just puked up medicine that made ME want to puke. I suck. I know I suck. I apologize and hug him and tell him it's not his fault. As I strip off his puked on clothes and dry his tears I tell him I know how yucky the medicine is. I tell him how I wish he didn't have to take it. With a freshly dressed, sniffling, mini-me traipsing behind me, I head back to the kitchen thinking about how I can get this medicine into him. I got it - he's currently into pirates, so I fill up 2 syringes with water and one with his medicine. I tell him we're pirates and we're going to have a battle with our cannons. I give him the medicine and tell him to shoot the medicine down with the water cannons. He gets SO excited! He takes the syringe of medicine, takes some and then I excitedly yell "get the water cannons!!!" and pass him the water-filled syringes, refilling as he swallows them. Success!!!! And that is what we did once a day for 10 days. I let go of MY frustration, expectations, and timeline, and put myself in his shoes. Sometimes parenting is hard.
No comments:
Post a Comment